At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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