she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
