Ambien. No doubt about it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
