New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Its about making memories worth repressing
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
