You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
