does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
