remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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