Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
