Sponge bath it is.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
