Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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