At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So. Much. Porn.
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