there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
