Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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