i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
