well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
