I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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