I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
