and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
