just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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