I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
