Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
