Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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