dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
