i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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