he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
