i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
