I am spending my child support on dildos
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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