You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
