I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
