I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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