She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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