i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize