I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
