This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
