I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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