All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
