dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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