News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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