I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
