it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
