i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
