if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
