Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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