I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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