Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize