Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
