so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
