real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
