hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
