Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
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i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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