I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
