So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
