I think I died a long time ago.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
