Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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