i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
