Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
