1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
