Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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