True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I believe in your delicious
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
