I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
