When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
