Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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