She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
should my penis look like a turkey
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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