I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
