Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
