ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
