I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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