Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My feet surprised me
Randomize
