"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
a search helicopter?!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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