I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
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